i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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