8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
