apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
