..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
