your room smells of hookers.
And success
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
