my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
