Pappa wants mamma naked
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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