I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
there is puke in my bra ... again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
tell me about the fingering
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize