it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
high people should be assigned attendants
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
