i think i have two assholes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
