You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize