i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
