theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
