epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize