i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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