Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
