so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
