What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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