you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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