What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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