remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
