I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
