i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In America we eat man semen.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
