What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i think i just lost a toe
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
