Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
