i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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