What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
