just come out here and I will go home with you...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
