Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize