We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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