can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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