oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize