Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
