Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i now understand why vodka
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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