I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
