woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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