The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
