Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We left an ass print on the piano.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
