i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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