dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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