I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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