It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
