Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
