what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
