Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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