Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
