At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
