and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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