dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize