So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
