I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
