Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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