he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
