Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
