Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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