he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
