I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
