theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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