She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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