Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Randomize
