Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
