I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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