if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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