I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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