I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
