they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
