I forgot how hot balto sounded
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
