I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
