what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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