1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
