Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
