i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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